Are you getting me closer to you Almighty

Something I had written in my diary in the month of January 2016 when I was dealing with depression after my endometriosis surgery.


Are you getting me closer to you Almighty?
What people think about me or my actions no more bothers me
No other fear than leaving this world without doing something valuable haunts me
Seeing smiles even on strangers faces fills with immense happiness in me
Seeing people go through tough times makes me feels like its going through me

Am I getting closer to you Almighty?
Fasting or any other religious ritual no more interests me
Spending time with the helpless and needy invites me
I love spending more time closer to nature and being me
Thinking how to add value to this universe through me

Am I getting closer to you Almighty?
Seems like you have a plan for me,
and what I am going through is preparing me
Looks like  I am getting close to me
All these years I had lost those parts of me

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Opening the windows of my memory into childhood,
 I remember why I had chosen to become IT person.
The money I wanted to earn was for the helpless elders and kids

Don't remember when and how the intentions got lost.
I still wanted to earn handsome salary,
this time it was for my kids first and for me to stay independent

Running day & night to earn the money to live a life which not sure when it ends.
Thank you God for the signal in form of my disease
that is getting me near to the ultimate truth.
Thank you for shaking me deep in to my soul.

I am going to live again,
This time to not just dream,
This time to live that dream,
This time to help the needy,
This time to guide them to overcome challenges
This time to get more closer to almighty
This time maybe more, just waiting for Almighty's instructions.